Self-Reliance: Back to Basics

I promise you, this piece of writing will be devoid of attempts to convince you of something new.

I have no biohack or protocol or high-end snake oil to sell you. I keep my best snake oil in the cellar and I do not share. The oversaturation of fitness advice has been the confounding curse of the boom in men’s health content. This trajectory is cause for celebration and should not be discouraged, no matter how insufferable it’s made every health science major in the country. While I have benefited from a handful of these doom scroll prescriptions, no health advice will work with a weak foundation.

Men have a moral imperative to take care of their health. This idea has been undercut in recent years by efforts to remove manhood from men. It is shameful that so many men have failed to take up the mantle of manhood properly. It is worse that many have resolved to respond by doing everything they can to mimic women. We can be men without being toxic. We don’t have to be feminine to prove that. We do, however, need to ensure our masculinity has the proper layers maintained to make us men of consistent character. We compromise our character by compensating. Yes, I mean compensating in that demeaning and emmasculating way we have all heard it. While I have no reason to think driving a lifted truck automatically indicates being unfortunately endowed, the underlying idea is something we need to take seriously. How many facets of us are concealing our own laziness, stubbornness, and inadequacy?

The Olympic Games fascinate and unite the world every four years with the grand spectacle of common and obscure events. Participants are outfitted in all manner of equipment and clothing relative to their sport and adorned with their nation’s colors. But this colorful tapestry of competition and skill was not always so well decorated. The original games in Ancient Greece required all competitors to compete stark naked. Having played baseball growing up and knowing what it is like to get cleated in the knee, I winced at the idea of an ancient dress code in modern games. This was not done for the sake of humiliation, but to ensure everyone was competing fairly, of their own physical skill. I can imagine this was an effective way to ensure the purity of the competition. 

Men today are constantly competing but have too many methods of “clothing” available. We hide from everyone, all of the time, because we never have to be exposed if we can keep our ruses going and make the costume fit. But we underestimate the possibilities our disguises keep us from. We think if we can look and sound and mimic the caricature of what we want people to see that others will play along. Instead, we more closely resemble a Honda owner with a Ferrari hat.

How many things are you hiding behind and compensating for? How many workouts have you missed that you hide with pants you don’t like? How many vices do you maintain with the discipline you could put towards working through your anxiety? How many words do you refuse to learn for the conversations you’re avoiding? There is no sleep protocol or magic meditation that will replace doing the right thing and following through. 

There is no self-deprecating quip that will make up for the time wasted waiting to feel motivated. Either do the thing or don’t. But Andrew Huberman can’t save you if you refuse to sleep more, drink less, or make that apology you’ve been refusing for weeks. David Goggins can’t help you if you insist you’re fine the way you are. There is a running insistence that men being taught to figure things out themselves is a bad thing or that striving to be the most capable is somehow wrong. The side effect comes in the form of men that can’t stop asking for help. The surplus of men that reach out needs to remedied by men that were raised to be self-reliant with an added layer of compassion. This compassion comes from the understanding that self-reliance is not for the sake of isolation, but for the purpose of broader contribution. We should learn to be self-reliant, but simultaneously need to learn how to ask for help. Self-reliance only works as a perpetual aspiration. To claim its full realization is a delusion.

What would a start at self-reliance look like? The pursuit would not simply be a checklist of tasks, but would happen within an abstract framework befitting of an aspiration. Imagine what a self-reliant version of yourself looks like. I bet he doesn’t skip the gym. I bet he doesn’t lie to his friends. I bet he isn’t alone. Such is the nonsensical nature of character; betterment attained for the self begets a wealth of quality associations. 

The associations demand maintenance and reciprocity. The reciprocity yields value. The spoils are never-ending, if – and only if – you have made yourself into someone worth exchanging value with. The beginning of the growth process? The absolute basics. Get sleep. Workout. Don’t eat too much junk. Drink less than others. Don’t lie. Maintain this at all costs and your bad days still survive a chance at being as fruitful as good ones. Fail to keep your base strong and risk complaining about a loneliness epidemic that can be remedied by sewing good.